A641.3.3.RB - Emotional Intelligence: Getting Results!_Psimer_Andrea

A641.3.3.RB - Emotional Intelligence: Getting Results!_Psimer_Andrea

Self-awareness

I recently learned self-awareness skills out of a necessity for survival. This will be an area of lifelong learning and continuous refining.  From a career point of view, I was thrust into the deep end of self-awareness at my last job, after I became completely consumed by the work and other people’s problems.  I lost not only self-awareness but awareness of everything.  As Goleman (2007), states in the Ted Talk Why aren't we more compassionate? people become blind sided by blind spots.  People’s “simple act of noticing” (Goleman, 2007), is a researched justification as to why humans are losing the ability to be benevolent.  For me, it took years of therapy and a wide variety of specialists to help me re-gain inward focus. 

I was putting all of my emotions on other people, specifically blaming them for the way they made me feel and also took out unfitting emotions on other people who care about me.  While self-awareness was a struggle, I have since embraced self-awareness as the catalyst to behavior change.

Self-management

Another area where I have made great strides, but offers a large area of improvement is self-management.  I argue self-awareness is a precursor to self-management.  Particularly, by identifying, admitting, and naming emotions I was able to move to the next step of managing.  It is difficult to manage something if you don’t know or want to admit there is a problem. 

As a result of achieving self-awareness and self-management, I have accomplished so much.  The lack of both quite literally crippled my ability to think clearly or act with consistent compassion (for myself and others).  As a nice example of the awareness and management bond, my last job caused me to feel and be easily angered.  One of my counselors gave me an anger sheet which had a thermometer on it.  Ten was feeling extremely angry and one was on the low end of the scale.  The goal was in situations to identify what a five feels like, and do not go past a five.  The tool worked like magic.  I was self-aware to notice when I was feeling angry (driving in traffic, interacting with family and co-workers) and self-managed staying at a five.  What a difference!  I rarely get to a ten anymore, which is such a great feeling.

According to Sznycer et al (2022), “Anger appears to be a neurocognitive adaptation designed to bargain for better treatment, and is primarily triggered by indications that another individual values the focal individual insufficiently.” This definition helped me understand the premise of anger and from this starting point apply techniques to better control feelings of anger.  When I felt angry, I felt misunderstood or like a victim.  From there, I could learn how to be more empowered and progress from anger to action.

Social awareness

At my work, I lack social awareness when I allow my strong, personal, feelings about my organization to potentially affect other people.  I am a believer the organization is failing the workforce, which the organization boasts is “the greatest asset.”  As an influential leader, I should be more aware and not impose my feelings on others in social settings.  Ironically, I think the self-awareness and self-management have become so prevalent in my life it is difficult for me to separate the pieces.  This is where there is an art and level of experience to managing skilled relationships (Big Think, 2012).  My moral compass and intuition does not always align with my organization [I am not the only one who feels this way].  Therefore, I consciously remind myself for many people this is their dream job and be aware of their feelings.  Perhaps the best leaders can be self-aware and self-management experts, yet honestly and genuinely lead from a place of compassion, even when there is an instance of misaligned values.

Social skills

My social skills have allowed me unique opportunities to connect with other people.  An example would be attending Al-Anon meetings which is a support group for people affected by alcohol and drug abuse.  As mentioned earlier, there is an upward cascading effect where awareness leads to management which allows for connectivity and strengthening society through people’s collective experiences.  Awareness, management and engaging socially is the opposite of blind spots. 

“We must learn to lean on others, and sometimes accept others’ leaning on us. We must share our experience, strength, and hope with others so that we can all grow. We can’t do it alone. No man is an island, no one is a rock. Only by truthfulness and trust can we grow in Alateen. ‘Together We Can Make It.’ ” Alateen: hope for Children of Alcoholics (B‑3), p. 49

Reference:

Big Think. (2012, April 24). Daniel Goleman introduces emotional intelligence | Big Think                                

            [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7m9eNoB3NU

Goleman, D. (2007, March). Why aren't we more compassionate? [Video]. TED Talks.                                          

             https://www.ted.com/talks/daniel_goleman_why_aren_t_we_more_compassionate

Sznycer, D., Sell, A., & Dumont, A. (2022). How anger works. Evolution and Human                              

            Behavior, 43(2), 122–132. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.evolhumbehav.2021.11.007